I hate money. It makes people evil. It makes people want. And wanting isn’t good. Needing is good. Wanting is bad. Why can’t I just pay my electric bill with some of my clothes? I have some nice clothes. Well made. Why can’t I pay my credit card bill with all that crap I have in my garage that I don’t use anymore? I don’t even remember what is in all those boxes out there. I’m sure there’s something worth trading for a months worth of water? Right, Water company?? There’s just never enough money. We barely get by every month, but now it’s almost Christmas and I have to try to figure out how I’m going to afford presents. Yeah. I’m trying to sell products for a company whose name I won’t mention, but that’s not going over so well since no one else has ANY extra money either!! WHAT THE HELL!!! I had to borrow money from my mother. I’m a grown ass woman. Borrowing money from my mom. Right before Christmas. Pathetic. The circumstances that have me and my family in this spot are too many to list. I’m exhausted just thinking about it all. I know it will be easier soon. I know that the circumstances will change and things will get better. Bills will get paid. On time even, how about that! I won’t have to feel my stomach turn itself into a knot every time the phone rings. Could be a bill collector. They can just leave a message. I don’t need some stranger telling me I need to pay my bill. Yeah, I know I do. But knowing it, doesn’t make the money magically appear in my bank account. Oh, how I try and try to only focus on the good things in life. Lots of blessings I have. Lots of things to be thankful for. All kinds of wonderful people in my life. Embrace the love. I have to keep reminding myself of that love. If I could pay the cable company in love, I’d be watching Oprah right now.
